Our generation today is bombarded with gazillions of choices. Making a decision can be such a stressful phase that some people will try to delay or even avoid doing it. Why is choosing never easy?
I myself have had my fair share of this struggle. In fact, I recently went through what I initially felt was a troublesome week, trying to decide between two good choices.
The wonderful thing is, the Lord allowed me to go through several beautiful instances to remind me of three important things. First is that He knows I was to be in this crossroad way before I saw it coming. Second, He is standing beside me as I think, struggle and pray. Third, He again showed how much He loves me by surrounding me with people who assured me that no matter what choice I make in prayer and discernment, the Lord will bless and can use for His purposes.
I spent the entire week consulting friends about the decision I needed to make. An important factor for me at the time was how I could also please my mom with my choice. The end of the week was nearing and I still had not made a decision, and I was very worried that I was disappointing my mom.
Options
I had two choices on my plate. My mom clearly favored option 1--a more stable and secure career, in her alma mater no less, and in the actual path of the course I took in college. It was a career that has a place in my heart too. I`d pick option 1 right off the bat if I didn`t have option 2.
Option 2 – becoming a full time worker. This was something that had been nagging me for quite some time and which I had always denied and pushed aside as just another one of my out-of-this-world ideas. But this time, it became clear that it was something I had to listen to, having arrived at this crossroad where I clearly needed to make a choice that would set my life’s direction.
I wanted the Lord to just tell me which to pick or what He wants me to do so that I could simply get on with it. A friend actually asked, "So what did the Lord tell you?" I quickly searched my mind for a good number of seconds and said, "I`m not sure I have the answer to that.”
Last Day
I slept late Friday night talking to my chapter head about my struggle. Then Saturday came--the last day of the week. I was actually getting tired of analyzing my thoughts and worrying. I still didn’t have an answer. I thought I could put my confusion aside for the day.
The only itinerary in my planner was to attend the MMLA but the Lord had a better schedule planned.
I got a text from a friend who invited me for lunch. Yes, we talked about my dilemma too. She was such a great help. Little by little, she was able to help me sort things out. But in my mind, I still was not 100% convinced. Maybe it wasn`t God`s design for me to decide that way. Little did I know, He had planned that day for me.
Since I didn`t have anything else to do that afternoon, I came along with friends who were going to the CLT (Chapter Leader`s Training). The speaker gave a very engaging talk on the topic, "Above and Beyond Reproach". It was basically a reminder of the qualities of a good leader. When he was about to wrap up his talk, he told us a story about his struggle for the Lord`s love. He ended with a prayer that really touched my heart. I couldn`t remember his exact words but I truly felt the Lord`s assuring love. I knew then I was meant to be there.
The Choice
We were so privileged to have Fr. Tito Caluag as guest speaker for that evening’s Metro Manila Leaders Assembly. In his recollection talk, Fr. Caluag told us it took at least 30 years for him to find out that his real passion is teaching.
Being away from his family, work, community and his typical life here to study in the U.S. for a year and half led him to discover that people lived 80% of their lives because of expectations--expectations from their parents, boss, friends, and community.
During the time that he went away to study abroad, people didn`t know who he was and so there were no expectations he had to live up to. He said something that really struck me, and that is, that we should live out of choice and not just out of other people`s expectations.
Fr. Caluag expressed that it is only through consciousness and awareness that we can live out our God-given identity. He said the agony in the garden depicts Jesus` deepest struggle. In the end, He made a choice and that was to do His Father`s will. Fr. Caluag also mentioned that the greatest expression of oneself is to live out our passion—that is, what we are willing to live for, sacrifice for, and even die for.
I then recalled having shared with my friend who had invited me to lunch, "It`s funny that it took a job interview for me to hear myself say and realize that what I`m really passionate about is service." It was clear that the Lord had prepared me for the choice I was about to make.
I recently read my journal dated early last year and flipped to the page where I had written my fears on becoming a fulltime worker. Now, those fears don`t seem to bother me anymore. As for my mom, my prayer is now for the Lord to help her understand that this is indeed His will for me. I am fully assured that He will lead her to this conclusion in the same way He so clearly led me.
What seemed to be a troublesome week had made me realize that the time is NOW to start living out my passion to serve the Lord full time. It is with excitement and peace that I begin to tread this path, for I know the Lord has prepared the way for me.